PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR

Basically…

Four penguins join forces with an undercover organisation, led by a husky (voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch), to fight against the evil Dr Octavius (voiced by John Malkovich) before he destroys the world.

In other words…

Great actors attempt career suicide.

The main men and leading ladies…

Let’s be honest, no one was going to go and see this for the four voices of the penguins – otherwise known as the buddies off the Shrek set. No, it was Cumberbatch, Malkovich and perhaps even Ken Jeong who would attract the audience. But unfortunately their brilliance couldn't shine through the pile of poo they’d dived head first into.

In the chair…

Eric Darnell, known for, basically, all the Madagascar films, and Simon J. Smith, known for even less, should be going back to school for a lesson in, umm, well, everything. Hopefully no bonus cheques were paid out for this one.

So…?

Imagine a bucket of utter drivel. Now imagine drowning in said bucket of said drivel. That’s what it feels like watching this movie. Right from the start it’s ridiculous. The designers must have produced the ugliest penguins of all time, they aren't likable in any shape or form, are increasingly loud and in your face, and perhaps even more irritating, the new born penguin has an alarmingly adult voice. The dry wit of Cumberbatch and Malkovich was attempted to be written into the script but even they couldn't salvage this slapstick disaster. It was so busy it was as though you’d taken a giant breath at the start and went head first into a whirlwind of idiocy. Fortunately it came to an end eventually but regrettably it won't be long before the next Dreamworks disaster is wheeled out.  

Worth the money?

Do us all a favour and don’t give this movie a penny…it might encourage them to make another one.

INTERSTELLAR

Basically…

A growing problem with dust in the atmosphere is rendering planet Earth uninhabitable. A NASA physicist plans to move the planet’s population to a new home via a wormhole but has to send a team of researchers, including Cooper (Matthew McConaughey), to discover where in space is the best option.

In other words…

Gravity with a storyline.

The main men and leading ladies…

Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway get the job done without offending or particularly thrilling anyone on either side of the likability scale. Jessica Chastain and MacKenzie Foy play the old and young Murph adding the more emotional aspects of the movie.

In the chair…

With Memento, Inception and even The Prestige to an extent, another mindfuck was almost inevitable from Christopher Nolan. At almost three hours long he should have made better use of his editor though. And wrote a better third act...

So…?

What is it with big budget movies set in space getting overhyped this year? Just like Gravity this produced yet another anticlimax because of the who-ha surrounding its release. Let’s break it down – it’s a good idea and it unfolds well. It’s exciting, intriguing and original. It even has a great, unexpected cameo. But then the third act comes along and we’re slapped in the face by the bootstrap paradox. Did no one learn from Terminator?! The bootstrap paradox is when an item, person or information is passed from the future to the past, and is then used in the original timeline, creating a never ending loop with no origin. It’s not clever, it just doesn't work because adding something new would create an alternative timeline. Come on Nolan, you’re better than that.  

Worth the money?

If you don'd mind bootstrap paradoxes? Sure, even if it's just for that wave on the big screen.

NIGHTCRAWLER

Basically…

Lou Bloom (Jake Gyllanhaal) is a lowlife chancer who stumbles into a career as a cameraman. He films Los Angeles crime and mayhem by night and sells it to broadcasters for the breakfast news, going to increasingly greater lengths to catch the ‘money shot’.

In other words…

Donnie Darko gets down and dirty.

The main men and leading ladies…

Jake Gyllanhaal has played a lot of big roles but none of them have really stood out like this one. If the Oscars bypass this performance there’s something wrong the movie industry because this is by far his best yet.

In the chair…

Director and writer Dan Gilroy makes his debut in the chair with this original noir crime thriller. If this is just the start then hurry up and bring on the rest please.

So…?

Nightcrawler is both dark and gritty as it studies Lou as a character as much as it provides nocturnal drama on the streets of LA. It’s original, exciting and pushes the boundaries in terms of both Lou’s morals and the broadcasters’. Gyllanhaal is excellent at making your skin crawl and adding an edge of discomfort to the viewing. It’s visually slick and fast paced – blink and you’ll miss something - just like your average night around LA’s crime spots. Surely this has Oscar success written all over it?

Worth the money?

Go. What are you waiting for? 

THE MAZE RUNNER

Basically…

Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) wakes up on the outskirts of a maze to find his memory has been erased, just like all the other young boys who are already trapped there. The doors to the maze open daily but no one’s ever survived a night inside or found the exit. When Teresa (Kaya Scodelario) arrives Thomas is determined to find out who’s behind their fate.

In other words…

Lord of the Flies meets The Beach.

The main men and leading ladies…

Rising star Dylan O’Brien starred in the Teen Wolf TV series and featured in the 2013 comedy The Internship. Kaya Scodelario is best known for her role as Effy in Skins.

In the chair…

This is Wes Ball’s first feature length movie and he's making the switch from the art department where he mostly did graphics in the past. He’s already started work on The Maze Runner sequel; The Scorch Trials.

So…?

Like Divergent and The Hunger Games, The Maze Runner is another young adult franchise that’s making the transition from book to screen. It’s easy to make comparisons – a group of young boys forced to live together despite losing all hope of existence is straight out of Lord of the Flies. And with some characters being happy to turn their secret location into a home it also has touches of The Beach, which could have been explored further. But in saying that, it still has elements of originality. It’s unpredictable, gripping and tense enough to leave you anticipating the sequel.

Worth the money?

Worth seeing, but not neccessarily on the big screen. 

SAY WHEN (LAGGIES)

Basically…

28-year old free spirit Megan (Keira Knightly) panics when her boyfriend proposes. Bored of life and scared to grow up she starts hanging out with a group of teenagers and hiding in 16-year old Annika’s (Chloe Grace Mortez) home.

In other words…

An early mid-life crisis with a lot of jaw.

The main men and leading ladies…

Keira Knightley is all jaw and it’s increasingly distracting as the story unfolds. It’s strange and unnerving to see Sam Rockwell (Craig) as a father of a teenager and surely there’s only so long Mortez can keep playing a schoolgirl?

In the chair…

Director of Touchy Feely, Your Sister’s Sister and Humpday Lynn Shelton has stuck to the light indie flicks. Say When - or Laggies as it’s called out with the UK - doesn't really break that mould much. 

So…?

Considering how many costume and period dramas Knightley has done over the years this is a strangely natural role for her as she reverts back to her Bend It Like Beckham days. And despite Mortez being a tad too confident for the role she portrays her secret insecurities well. The age gap between the pair is also believable but the chemistry between Megan and Craig not so. Rockwell possesses the same suave arrogance he always does so it’s hard to knock him but that’s where the praise ends. This is a whole load of nothing. It’s predictable, isn't funny and doesn't really go anywhere. It never settles on a tone and leaves you feeling hollow and unsatisfied. It's so meh it's barely worth putting on in the background. 

Worth the money?

I hope that was a sarcastic question. 

SERENA

Basically…

A dark story of love, jealousy and greed, set in 1930s North Carolina, George Pemberton’s (Bradley Cooper) timber empire is affected when he marries Serena (Jennifer Lawrence).

In other words…

Jennifer Lawrence goes a bit psycho again.

The main men and leading ladies…

With an unflattering hairdo and an even less flattering personality Lawrence fails to capture your heart or trigger any emotion. A wooden performance from Cooper also leaves us questioning where the spark has gone between our favourite on screen couple.

In the chair…

Known for her romance films, but none of real note, Susanne Bier takes on this adaptation of the Ron Rash novel. It won’t stand out on her CV though.

So…?

It’s hard to remember the last time a film has left such an empty, cold impression as Serena does. With a cast as golden as Lawrence and Cooper you go in wanting to like it more than you care to on your way out. They do a lot of dramatic things but it never quite feels dramatic. You know you should be sympathising with George – and perhaps to an extent encouraged by Serena’s strength to overcome sexism at that time – but you feel neither because they’re so wooden. You never get deep into their world or develop a connection with any of the characters, leaving you asking 'who cares' by the end.

Worth the money?

No, it's not worth your money or your time. In fact, why are you still reading this? 

LOVE, ROSIE

Basically… 
Best friends Rosie (Lily Collins) and Alex (Sam Clafin) kiss on her 18^th birthday, but too drunk to remember she doesn't pursue any romantic connection. It becomes obvious they’re meant for each other but life starts to get in the way.

In other words…

This generation’s Sliding Doors.

The main men and leading ladies…

Lily Collins is perfect for a chick flick role, cute and likable. Sam Clafin, meanwhile, goes from arrogant sod in The Riot Club to adorable idiot which makes you want to cuddle him almost as much as you want to slap sense into him.

In the chair…

Christian Ditter is a fairly unknown name on the movie scene having just worked on children’s films in the past. This is a new challenge for him and he dealt with the adaptation of Cecelia Ahern’s Where Rainbows End admirably.

So…?

Unlike most chick flicks this is a realistic story of life – babies, relationships, jobs – getting in the way of life, making it believable and easy to relate to. Adapted from the novel, the characters have a depth to them which is interesting and warm. In fact, sometimes it’s so easy to empathise with their situations it becomes emotional and frustrating. It doesn't go over the top like What If when he chased her to Dublin and back – for financial reasons alone that’s just not realistic for most of the target audience. This is one of the best chick flicks of the decade never mind the year because it ticks all the boxes.

Worth the money?

If this is the genre you're into then yes, definitely.